One night in October of 2000 I received a phone call from my brother that my father has passed away. I called him a lier and hung up. He called back talked to my husband and my nightmare became reality. What was most unreal was that he wasn't sick or even had some kinda terminal disease. It was totally unexpected. I had just seem him hours earlier and he was laughing. Sitting in his back yard playing with his grandson Anthony and our dog King. Since we were visiting and I was pregnant my mom had cooked up a storm so I was helping her in the kitchen. Sean William was watching some game in the basement on the big screen. He married my mom in the fall of 1989. He was there for every moment of life since the day they were married and I became his daughter. Sure they fought what parents don't???
And boy was my Dad a character!! His laugh was more like a throaty smile you know the kind a sound you make when you are holding it in but that was him. He made no fan fair but boy you knew he was there! He could still dance a sasy tune and sip his Crown Royal. He didn't mince words. You never had to guess what what was on my Dad's mind. He would feed you, clothe you or give you a place to sleep if you need it. He could somehow tell you off in a way you didn't know you were being yelled at.Oh and before I was married when it was just me and Anthony my Dad would just kidnap my son!!! The first time I was completely scared shitless. I woke up no Anthony in his toddler bed. Walked into the Kitchen No Mom No Dad. I ran down stairs my brother was sound asleep but no Anthony. Woke him up and we looked everywhere. Did he walk out the house??? This was before everyone had a cell phone so I couldn't call them. I had no freakin clue where they were or if Anthony was with them. My heart was in my throat and all the what if's came to mind....What if he got out and was kidnapped? What if he was walking along got turned around and is lost???Anthony was barely 3yrs old. Rudy kept assuring me he was with Mom and Dad but I didn't that know for sure.
Then they came home bellies full. My Dad had taken them for Pancakes. Freaking Pancakes!!!!! Could they not have left a darn note? or take me with I might have wanted pancakes too! shish!
From then on they would come in and shake me awake to let me know they were taking him( I was forgotten..tear..lol.) it became a Sunday regular event since Anthony wanted his pancakes he got his pancakes!!!!!!
I may desperately miss my Dad but the one thing I am most grateful for is that when he went it was quiet and peaceful. He laid down in his bed next to his wife and just went to sleep.
Sean's Grandmother has not left us yet. She is hanging on. For what I don't know but she is a coma and hanging on. We went through this with his grandfather. He too hung on and suffered before passing on. I wonder what is keeping her here prolonging her suffering. People ( no names now )are being silly do you medicate her and make sure she is out of pain or lower the meds and pray she may wake out of this.As for me. Drug the woman keep her out of any possible pain. I mean what if she were to wake up and tell us what that she is in excruciating pain and give her some darn DRUGS! Her cancer is terminal. She will not get better.When she was coherent she was screaming in pain and asking for higher and higher levels of Drugs but at the same time making plans for when she would get better.
Is it selfish to ask for the lord to deliver her quickly when maybe she just isn't ready to let go? I don't know.
Life I feel is like a clock. A weird freaking clock.. Sometimes its like its in slow motion. I remember being a teen an so impatient to be older. Feeling like time was dragging. Doing a Dance when my ID was a over 21 one. Then the sucker just speed the hell up and everything breezes by. I blink and its years later and my kids are huge! I'm slowing down. I can't drink like I could before. Fat is sticking to my ass like never before and I got freaking gray hairs. GRAY HAIRS!!!!
I have to tell you that the Hospice staff is amazing. They are compassionate and attentive.
I'm not the Holy Holy type but I do ask our lord to deliver Wanda quickly and peacefully let her pain end. As she suffers so does my Mother-in-law and my husband. What hurts them hurts me and it is difficult to watch a once vibrant woman become simply a shell of her former self.
Tomorrow I have to pick up a book at Malcolm X it was out of stock. Sean will get his results of his placement test. I hope he did well so that he can start a class or two in Mini- session that will start September 20th. I just thought I'd share a few things that were jumbling around in my brains......
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